10 Things to Remember.... When You’re Forced to Change Your Life

Nobody told me at 26, on the first day of opening a new business, I would wake up to two planes flying through the Twin Towers, in perfect view from my bedroom window. Debris and smoke filled my Tribeca apartment as my favorite view to wake and fall asleep to was gone.  In the blink of an eye life as I knew it changed. 

Cue restart 1.

Nobody told me at 35, my family would lose our entire estate. The economic collapse took our house, cars, our emotional energy and everything else. Later that year, my father took his life, leaving me to uproot my life in London and move home to help my family.  

Cue restart 2.

Nobody told me at 45, a global pandemic would take a wrecking ball to what I had spent 10 years clawing my way to rebuild. The new business I carefully orchestrated launched just 2 weeks before, shut down, contracts cancelled, clients changed course and once again I was reinventing. 

But, this time I was reinventing from experience. 

I now look at these traumatic setbacks as the biggest catalyst for sharing my story so I can help others navigate the ground zero of their lives. 

Nobody told me my journey into the unknown would lead me to the most rewarding thing I’ve done - life and business coaching.

Cue restart 3.... the third times a charm! ✅

We are living in turbulent times. We are 7 months into the pandemic, and the rise of unemployment has gone up along with the increase of mental health stressors. Living in uncertainty has become the new normal, and many of us are finding difficulties navigating through this time.

I have endured many seasons of restarting my life over and over again. Every setback I had was a move forward towards my purpose of guiding others on how to rebuild their lives and find beauty in the darkness. 

If the pandemic has significantly impacted you, here are 10 things to remember when you are forced to restart your life.

1. Acceptance towards uncertainty to help you leap forward

You have no control over the future. Having acceptance towards your path to uncertainty is what grounds you to the present moment. When you are faced with challenges, you are forced to make tough decisions. You can stay where you are familiar and comfortable, or you can jump into the unknown,  trusting you have what it takes to make it beautiful.

After witnessing the 9/11 terrorist attacks, I realized life is short. So, I took a leap of faith and turned my dreams into reality by moving to London. If you do not take a chance to pursue your dreams, you are not truly living. Wouldn’t you rather live a life knowing you tried?

2. Circumstances do not define you. 

Always remember the challenging moments of life do not define you. It is a matter of how you respond to it that defines your character. Enduring life’s challenges grow and shape you into the person you are today. Reframe the narrative by making the difficulties of your life a chapter instead of the entire story. Remember, change is temporary. The difficulties always feel like they last forever, but they to shall pass.

3. Be kind to yourself 

Never shame or be embarrassed about the setbacks you go through. The time you’re in right now is far from ordinary. Be compassionate and kind to your heart and meet where you are with grace. Hard days will naturally bring feelings of fear, doubt, and sadness. Give yourself the space to hold these emotions.

4. Make decisions based on love, not fear

When you are at a crossroads in life, make decisions based on love instead of fear. Outweigh your decision by choosing what you will regret the least. This decision will most likely be the one you’re afraid of making. Ask yourself what you will miss out on if you choose to stay at what is familiar. When you walk towards uncertainty, opportunities arise, but you will never know if you stay where you are.

5. You are not your job. Your job does not define you. 

The way society perceives jobs is unhealthy. You are conditioned to attach your worth to your job. You are more than your job. You are the value you bring to everything in life. Instead of looking at a career as what you will get out of it, look at it as an opportunity to teach you how you can make the world better.  

6. Job loss will teach you to honor yourself.

If you have lost your job, the first thing you should do is accept the difficulties you will go through. Losing a job is a grief process and sometimes an identity loss. Let yourself be angry, sad, and then hopeful because life moves on. Give yourself permission to move with it by honoring yourself.  Get a coach, if you can't afford a coach message me, I'll work something out. You need help, help is available, there is no shame in asking.  

My Dad always said, there’s nothing more honorable than an honest day’s work. If you have to take a low paying job to make ends meet, do not shame yourself. This honest act is brave and admirable. You should be proud you are doing what you can and guess what, the universe will honor you - I bet that job leads to bigger things. 

7. Celebrate your worth & share it.

There is only one of you in this world and what you bring into it is unique. Celebrate your worth every day by finding ways to serve your community. In times of distress, you are still worthy of peace, love, and faith. Have gratitude for the goodness in your heart, and learn to share it.

8. Love where you are, not where you want to be.

Stay grounded and present by loving where you are. Learn to be comfortable walking through the twisted journey of life. The best way to love where you are is to focus on what you have instead of what you have lost. You can find the silver lining when you lean into the positives of where you are.

9. Lead with growth
   A fulfilling life is one with a purpose to serve and grow those around you. Take the challenging moments of your life as a lesson to push you to become a better leader in your community. A true leader has endured many moments of starting over from multiple failures and setbacks. Understanding the moments of hardship is meant to grow you to become a more compassionate and empathic leader.

10. Redefine success
    What does success mean to you? My multiple “restarts” reshaped my perspective on what success was. To me, success is helping others navigate the changes in their lives. I have found fulfillment in guiding others through life’s difficulties by sharing the tips and tools I have used in my past. Learn to redefine success in what fulfills you and find ways to spread it.